At a press conference held early today at their Tokyo headquarters, the AGES Corporation unveiled a new portable gaming system meant to compete with the likes of the Nintendo 3DS and PlayStation Vita. “We’re really excited about throwing our hat into the portable ring,” said a public spokesman for AGES. Randolph Carter said of their newest product, which possesses a surface so black that it absorbs all known wavelengths of light and sound. “We know that Nintendo has a been the leader in the field for years, but we really think we’ve got a winner on our hands that may finally upset not only the handheld gaming market but all of reality as we know it.”
The new handheld, which was revealed to the public in an underground chamber hollowed from solid rock millions of years before the dawn of man, seemed to possess a dual screen infrastructure much like that of the 3DS, but soon wowed the crowd as it unfolded several times over, revealing to all in attendance an unprecedented fifteen different screens. Each screen was capable of displaying gameplay, maps, item screens, and terrifying glimpses of realities beyond human comprehension. Audience members seemed excited about the prospect of trying the new console, but were unfortunately denied the chance via a grim warning from presenters on stage that “the bonds that anchor the system to our reality have not yet taken hold” and that “the stars are not yet right.”
What we did get to see, however, was a demo of one of the system’s launch titles. A currently unnamed title in which the player controls a horrible and beastly mass of bone and putrid rotting flesh that slid across the screen in much the same manner as Sonic the Hedgehog. Though a rather generic platformer at first glance, the character occasionally looked at the player, chanted in the tongues of the ancient gods who ruled the world when the Earth was still new, and then disappeared for minutes on end, presumably to attend to some occult business to ensure the ever-hastening coming of the end of days. The crowd found quite a bit to like about the demo, but quickly succumbed to madness, paranoia, and ritual singing before anyone could get a coherent interview.
“Madness is just a part of the experience,” one presenter remarked at the sight of a twenty-five-year-old man writhing on the ground in a frenzy. “We also have a full lineup of games that won’t drive the player to a state of ultimate terror. We promise.”
The games in question were later confirmed in a flyer handed out to the survivors of the press conference:
– Madden Football 2016
– Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare
– The unnamed platform title
– A recording of an ancient and wizened old man reading the complete and unabridged Necronomicon
Not everyone was convinced of the new consoles viability, and some who had lived to tell the tale had a few choice words when company president Abdul Al-Hazard took the stage to answer questions before bringing the event to a close. In particular, when asked by a certain young woman why one of the console’s screens seemed to display nothing but a live feed of a black and white world where strange beasts writhed in tune to the unholy flute playing of the Demon Sultan who lies at the center of the universe, no comment was given, leaving many to wonder just how viable AGES’ latest product truly is.
We’ll just have to wait to see for ourselves when the system is released, when the stars are right and the Old Ones return to claim what is rightfully theirs—a time most industry insiders estimate occurring early next year. Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.
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